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MY
STORY
Growing up, I remember feeling like an outsider because I felt so connected to God. I lived most of my childhood searching for answers. When I was 15, I was invited to go church. That night I finally understood what it meant to have a relationship with God. But with no guidance or counsel on how to act, I felt confused on how to be a Christian. I tried very hard to be accepted at my church, but I felt rejected. I would spend every day volunteering at church to prove myself, but I still never felt approval. Burned out, I left the church and tried to fill the void with boys, parties and drinking. I longed for people to accept me, so I would lie to gain their approval.
At 19, I met a boy. I felt that I would DIE if he wasn’t mine. I began giving myself to him spiritually and physically, and that left no room for God. Eventually I became pregnant. I gave birth to my son, Talon, and convinced myself that I loved Talon’s father. A year later I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me; he told me he never loved me. I was devastated. I was so afraid to be alone that I jumped into relationship after relationship, but because I was so wounded, its end was always messy. I became a regular at the bar, thinking that this lifestyle would finally earn me the acceptance I was longing for.
A guy at work invited me to The Rock. For months the card for the You’re Fired series sat on my desk. I had plenty of opportunities to throw it away, but I needed it as a reminder that God was still waiting for me. Finally another friend from work invited me to the same church: The Rock of Roseville. I decided to go; service was on Saturday nights so I didn’t have to wake up early and I still had time afterwards to go to the bar. The minute I walked in, I could hear the Lord telling me that the devil had been lying to me for years. But because of wounds from my old church, I waited for someone here to hurt me. This church isn’t perfect, but the Lord is, and every week I came, He was here. I was sure that being a single mom and having a baby out of wedlock would be judged.
A few months later when I enrolled in the Rock School of Ministry, my life began to really change. I was challenged every week. God knew I had to deal with some of my hurts before I could move forward.
In February, my father became very ill with cancer. My dad was my best friend. I was so afraid I would be lost without him. I spent hours and hours every day at the Roseville House of Prayer (RHOP,) just seeking after the Lord, making Him my only need. Then my grandfather became ill as well. But through it all I just kept pressing closer to God. In April 2006, my father went home to be with the Lord. Then a month later, my grandpa followed. I know without a doubt that if it wasn’t for my time at RHOP I wouldn’t be here. I would be lying in my bed for days and days on end. And who would blame me? But God has called me to greater things. And by His grace and strength I find joy in every day. I have found great friends here, people who come to you in love and not judgment. I know now the Lord loves me more than anyone ever could, and that I am, in all my weakness, enough for Him.
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