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MY
STORY
I’m gay. That’s right, I’m gay and proud of
it. If you don’t like it, too bad because it’s who
I am. It’s my life and it’s just none of your business.
That was my life in Las Vegas as I began to embrace my homosexuality
in high school and college. By the time I hit my early 20’s,
I was completely involved in the gay life style. It was a time
of nightclubs, drinking, dancing, late nights, and going from
one meaningless sexual encounter to another. Sometimes I would
enter into “long term” relationships, which meant
it would last at least a month or two. The sun coming up
usually meant it was time to go home and get ready for work,
then grab
a few hours of sleep and repeat the cycle all over again.
Fortunately, I had a group of Christian friends
that would refocus me back to Jesus. It was at one of these times
when I was struggling
with being a Christian and being gay that I called out to God
to do something with this crazed life that I was leading. He
game me strength and I spent the next few months untangling
myself from the gay community. However, the familiar places
continued to haunt me and deeply engrained habits continued
to tempt me to slip and fall. I needed something else; I didn’t
know what. But the Lord knew; He knew exactly what I needed.
Jesus opened a door of opportunity for me to relocate from Las
Vegas, a 24-hour town, to a small mountain community in Lake
Tahoe. In faith, I walked through that door not knowing what
was on the other side. I immediately asked the locals for the
most radical church in the area. I knew that the only thing that
would help me to continue to leave the radical life I had lead
would be a church that was equally radical in their pursuit of
God. I was led to the Lake Tahoe Christian Fellowship, then known
as Glad Tidings, where I immersed myself in all it offered to
bring me closer to God: their worship, times of prayer, study
of the Word of God, home groups, mid-week services and evangelism
program. I spent a great season drawing close to the Lord and
far away from my sin.
Two other ministries have brought healing
and freedom into my life. The first was the Vineyard’s Desert Stream’s
ministry which is the Vineyard’s outreach to Christians
who struggle with same-sex attraction. I entered into their intense
five-month program that examines the root causes that lead someone
into the gay lifestyle. During that time, I received healing
over issues from my childhood. The second ministry was an inner
healing prayer team which through prayer walked me through the
healing process in the areas of self-worth and identity.
The church’s willingness to reach out to me in love and
caring, to reach out to me with healing and ministry and to accept
me for where I was — instead of rejecting and condemning
me — is why I can stand before you today.
Since that time, I have had various degrees
of temptation and falling, especially during periods of crisis,
depression and
anger. When I have fallen, I turn to the Lord, again and again.
As a result, I can testify of the scripture in Proverbs 24:16 — for
though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again. This
speaks to me that the Lord is not counting on how many times
we have fallen, but instead is counting on us turning to Him.
And that if we turn to Him, we find that He has already turned
Himself to us. That no matter how many times we fall, He is there
with arms stretched out wide with forgiveness, with hands stretched
out toward us with love, with eyes full of grace and mercy. His
heart is a heart of compassion. It is because of His forgiveness,
love, mercy, grace and compassion, because of such a God as this,
that today I can say: I am a Christian. I’m proud of that.
That’s who I really am. That is my true identity. That
is who I am really meant to be. Today and forever.
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