The Lord placed me on loan to my parents in September 1940. I was very small & spent the first three months of my life in an incubator. My parents were children of the Great Depression, and were strong-willed, self-made, and spoke their mind on many issues. Their English/German heritage gave me an early understanding of what was expected of me & has been a guiding voice throughout my life. However, trying to model my life after theirs was very frustrating.
By the age of four, I had lost 40% of my bilateral hearing in the high frequency range due to many sicknesses and fevers. By five, I was taking speech training & wearing headphones attached to two hearing boxes strapped to my chest. I could not hear what others heard, or say what they could say, & I struggled to see with my coke-bottle glasses. It seemed I could not please my parents or those around me.
My parents considered sending me to a school for the deaf, but out of fear of losing me to a world they did not understand, I was instead “main-streamed” into a regular classroom. I was labeled a “deaf & dumb kid.” I knew I was different than other kids in my world, including my younger brother. I was trapped between a hearing and a deaf world, not belonging to either, which caused me to spend endless hours keeping myself company.
I was a rebellious child who hated those who were always telling me what to do & how to think. The language I used when upset or angry was not fitting for ears to hear.
Lying and dishonesty always got me caught as a thief. Looking back, I understand that what you believe about yourself & the world around you determines how you act. I viewed myself as a loser, disabled, & broken. Throughout my life that recording played. [“You can’t hear it right, see it right, or express it right; you failed again.”]
Time wouldn’t, didn’t, & couldn’t heal me of shame & guilt as these two hounds of the devil always seemed to stand before God, pointing their paws at me, howling: “idiot – fool - dummy - guilty” each time I didn’t succeed.
When I came to The Rock in July 1999, I spent a year hiding in the back row. Over time, the love of Jesus has done a miracle work within me, healing me, keeping me within the guard-rails of His Word, & making me a servant for His Kingdom. With the loving, caring help of a church family that overlooks my failures & supports my Christian growth, I have made giant steps forward in who I am in Christ.
At the Roseville House of Prayer, Jesus has led me to new depths of His love through ongoing training & spending long soaking & study times in His presence each week. This keeps me humble so He can continue to sweetly remove the “I, me & self” from my spirit. His ongoing changes have allowed me to put His will into action by offering His love, care, and servant hood to others.
God is more interested in the end of our life story than the start or what happened along the way. What life gives us as we travel through its hardships & trials are gifts that we can share with those we meet. Life is God’s gift to you; what you do with it is your gift to Him.
The most important truth that The Rock has given me is that the greater the enemy that I face & overcome with the weapons of my God Almighty, the greater the blessings will be when I look for them after the warfare is done.
By the Spirit of His Holy Grace, Jesus has turned my past failures into stepping stones of success as a son of the Living God.
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