MY
STORY
My family was the poster child
for dysfunction. At home, violence and abuse were commonplace.
My earliest memory
is watching my dad punch my mom so hard she flew through
a door and broke a toilet off of the floor. The marriage ended
with
my father cocking a pistol in my mom’s face while she
screamed obscenities at him.
After the divorce, we moved to a slum.
To survive, I joined a gang. By 13, I was sexually active,
drinking, using marijuana,
LSD and heroin to forget the huge hole inside that grew bigger
each day. This continued until I met my wife, Lindsey. Once married,
I pretended to be a faithful husband while living a double life
of sexual addiction and drug abuse. Several times my lies were
discovered by Lindsey. Each time I convinced her to stay, promising
to “change my ways.” Soon after, I would slip into
my old habits, and my double life began again.
We started going to church in 1991. To
me, everybody was rich, happy and oh-so-perfect. They saw a “Church Rick” while
at home I was angry, mean, selfish, and generally, an all-around
bad guy. I watched others being freed from their addictions and
became angry at God for not freeing me. I kept a part of myself
from Him, another secret…That part of me was the part that
I thought was too dirty, too bad, and too broken to be inside
of a Christian. I now know that Jesus died and rose again so
I could get rid of that part of me. Despite my sins He loves
me anyway. He wants me to be free and holy, one whom he calls ‘friend.’
In 1998, Lindsey began attending The
Rock. After a month or two, I went along with her. I noticed
that people at The Rock
were different. They actually seemed to care how you were doing.
Imagine that, somebody who cares! Not only that, they didn’t
act snooty or self-righteous!
After a few years at The Rock, I realized
I had spent my whole life thinking that God didn’t like me—that
he would never want someone as messed up as me in Heaven.
Most people now tell you about how they
changed their life and WOW! Look at all the great things God’s
doing! Sorry. I have a very high IDIOT factor inside me.
This was a turning point in my life.
I had to face some serious consequences for my actions from
a few years earlier. I didn’t
respond well. Instead of trusting in Him, I ran. One of the consequences
was that I had to move out of my home. Once alone, I decided
to kill myself by a drug overdose so my family could get my insurance
money. I believed I was worth more to my family dead than alive.
Soon after, I mixed huge quantities of pain killers, alcohol,
and metha-amphetamine. I recall collapsing onto the floor of
my apartment and feeling a sense of relief. “I’ve
finally done it.” was my last thought before drifting off
into oblivion. Fortunately, I woke up the next day.
Because of my wife’s love, and the love shown by Pastor
Francis and others here at The Rock, I began seeking God’s
plan for Rick instead of Rick’s plan for God. Since then,
I realize how blessed I am to have been given the gift of my
wife Lindsey’s love. She has taken a path only walked by
someone who loves and trusts God. I’ve learned so much
from her. She has given me two kids who show me how to love God
every day.
I’m just beginning to understand that Jesus didn’t
make a mistake when he called me friend. Now when I feel crushed
by the cares of the world, I go to RHOP. There I feel HIS love
for me fill my soul.
I’ve received the most wonderful blessing of all: HOPE.
For those of you who are crushed by the pain of your life’s
choices, I ask you: Do you think Jesus made a mistake when he
called you friend? My life proves otherwise. Stick around; yours
will too.
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